From Karen Stafford:This was an answer to a Jeopardy question. Sad thing is, another kid told it to him as a joke and he believed it! Oh, well. He's still a good kid. I once asked during a game what instrument family that the tympani belongs to. One answer-concussion?

• It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm.
• Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
• Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

From Dottie Ladman, in reference to a comment from one of her fifth graders: A couple of years ago the 5th graders in one of my schools went to see the Lincoln Symphony, conducted by Maestro Yong Yan Hu. During the concert one of the selections played was "Hoedown" from Aaron Copland's Rodeo. One of my students rushed up to me breathlessly to tell me,"Mrs. L., you know that Yon-Yon guy? Did you know that he's the one that his band sings 'Beef, It's What's for Dinner?"

From Gary Smith: Third graders singing "Never let a leacher sing" for "Heaven and nature sing" from Joy to the World A customer at the record store where he used to work asked for "What's Love Cacatu?" instead of "What's Love Got to Do (with It?)"

And from Pat W., some really INTER-R-RESTING student answers:

• Bach's family was full of musicians which he made the best of.
• Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.
• Folk music is pasted (passed on) by oral tradition.
• A drone is an imitation or look-a-like of someone else's work. A Sonata goes through the expedition stage.
• Microtones are consistent soft sounds heard through a piece.
• Three characteristics of the Classical period are (1)monogamy was refined.....
• Nocturne-when a particular artist writes best at night and usually composes all of his music at night
• Piano trio has a piano, two violas, and a cello
• String quartet has a piano, violin, and cello
• A character piece is a piece of music that is dressed up.
• (And Pat's fave)Chopin died at age 39 from rebirtihabtion.?????)

From Thomas R.: In Music Appreciation class in my hometown, one of the students indicated on a test that Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony. Speaking of which, the music theory class I'm in now has been slow in receiving copies of the symphony, because the bookstore misunderstood the title as "Symphony in B-minus."

From Marie Boyette: MUSIC 101 EXAM/STUDENT ANSWERS

• In the last scene of Pagliacci, Canio stabs Neda, who is the one he really loves. Pretty soon, Silvio gets stabed also and they all live happily ever after.
• Caruso was the first Italian. Then someone heard his voice and said he would go a long way. And so he came to America.
• Stradivarius sold his violins on the open market with no strings attached.
• The principle singer of 19th century opera was called pre-Madonna.
• At one time singers had to use musicians to accompany them. Since synthesizers came along, singers can now play with themselves.
• All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they sounded like because there are no known descendants.
• Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's Rap City in Blue.
• In defining musical terms, they also demonstrate that they know their brass from their oboe.
• Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing with music it is called Acapulco.
• A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals. Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.
• Diatonic is a low calorie Schweppes.
• Probably the most marvelous fuge was the one between the Hatfields and the McCoys.
• A harp is a nude piano.
• An oboe is an American tramp (written by a British student).
• A Stradivarius is a prehistoric animal.
• My favorite instrument is the bassoon. It is so hard to play people seldom play it. That is why I like the bassoon best.
• The main trouble with a French Horn is that it is too tangled up.
• An interval in music is the distance from one piano to the next.
• The correct way to find the key to a piece of music is to use a pitchfork.
• Agitato is a state of mind when one's finger slips in middle of playing a piece.
• Refrain means don't do it. A refrain is music is the part you'd better not try to sing. I know what a sextet is but I' rather not say.
• Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago.
• My favorite composer was Opus. Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music.
• Henry Purcell was a well-know composer few people have ever heard of.
• Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
• Beethoven wrote three syomphonies the Third, the Fifth, and the Ninth. He wrote music even though he was deaf. Beethoven was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling him. I guess he could not hear so good. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this. Do you know that if Beethoven were alive today, he would be celebrating the 165th anniversary of his death?
• Rock Monanoff was a famous post-romantic composer of piano concerti.
• Aaron Copland is one of our most famous contemporary composers. It is unusual to be contemporary. Most composers do no live until they are dead.

Heather Augustine contributed a doozey: I am currently in the process of casting our annual 4th grade Christmas musical. I always pick one person to play the main part and one person to be the understudy. After looking at the list, my Santa Claus understudy says "Since I'm the undertaker, can I give Santa a pop that will make him sick so I can be Santa?" I don't think he understood how fitting his word error was!!

Linda Beard had a student very proud of himself because he had his music "mesmerized". He emphasized that point by continually using that word throughout his lesson.

One of Bev Porter's students referred to a diminished interval as a "demented" one. (How we feel after sometimes after a day of teaching!)

From Ken Peters: While watching the film Bach's Fight for Freedom, students heard the following line "You have no principles." One first grade student was heard saying to another,"We have a principal, Mr. Marcella!"

Madelyn Eden's first graders transcribed "Blue Bells, Cockle Shells" into "Blue Bells and Taco Bells"

From Ruth Ann Chiaraluce: We were working on the clapping rondo called "The States Rondo" from the Macmillan Music and You series. In the C section I modeled getting louder and then asked why I had done that. The answer came back because it has "crochet" written there. I loved it. My all time favorite one came from one of my all time favorite kids who dreamed of playing the tuba from the time in was in 3rd grade. In 4th grade I had a little group that came in extra to play the autoharps. We were working on the upright position when he said, "I just love playing the autoharp this way." I, of course, asked why. His answer? "Because it makes me feel like I'm holding a tuba."

When Edmund Stevens was working with third graders on a program on patriotism, he heard one of his students sing "Oh, beautiful for spaceship skies". Ah, the twentieth century!

Inspired to send in your own malaprop?