Personality Conflicts: In all jobs, there is always the time you have to handle a co-worker, client, customer, whatever, that just doesn't quite get it. In private teaching, this is often the parent. Most of the time, parents are extremely cooperative and will trust your expertise on teaching their child and will show consideration for your work and schedule. However, there are always those who: *Either show up too early or run late* Do not encourage their children to practice, then expect miracles *Are very lax about payment Insist on hanging around during the lesson *And some other creative headaches many of us haven't run across yet!

Then again, there are some poor students who have some difficulty with the demands and personalities of their teachers.These teachers might *Be insulting if you are not of prodigy caliber *Not challenge you enough *Not take into consideration your choices of music *And other things not invented yet! If you are one of those, please click here for some advice.

To tackle this, the best first step is prevention. We can't possibly predict what stunts parents might pull, but some can be foreseen (often, experience is the best teacher!). Start off with a written policy that covers payment, scheduling and rescheduling, practice tips, and performances. My newsletter includes a signature page that is returned so I know that, at least, the parents have held it in their hands, the first step to actually reading it. My initial newsletter covers my preferred methods of payment, and what steps I take in case payment is late. I also cover purchase of materials and what happens if students forget materials, and my ideas on practice. Payment situations: I will accept either monthly or weekly payments, depending on the parent's preference, but this is established at the beginning, and cannot be changed. I allow one week of grace regardless for late payments, then telephone with a reminder. After two weeks, lessons are suspended until payment is caught up. Late or early lessons: Since I have lessons in my home (right off my family room), early students may watch TV or play "Music Ace" on the computer until their time begins. If they are the first student and arrive early, they get their allotted time, no more. Late students will have their lessons docked the number of minutes they are late, unless I've known ahead of time and have no one after them. I will still require the full payment. Uncooperative practicing: I have my younger kids keep track of their practice and set a weekly goal. If they meet this goal, they get a sticker. All my students bring notebooks to write their assignments in, and I will often outline good practice tips, because many students do not really know how to practice properly. If, after 2-3 months, there is no real progress, I will ask the parents if or how their child practices. Sometimes, I just need to change the method book. But, if it is due to a lack of interest, I'll talk to the parents in a language they usually understand: money. I tell them that without practice, their child cannot progress, and that really, they are not getting anything for their money. I can give them my expertise and secret tips, but these do no good unless practice is applied so that this information is remembered. I will remind parents, too, that their child might enjoy a different instrument, and can still participate in music performance in another fashion.

All of the above are the ways that I've found best to handle my own personal situation, but, of course, everyone's different. Whatever your situation, you need to establish the financial aspects, practice aspects, and attendance aspects right off the bat to make it less easy for students (and parents!) to take advantage of you.

Behavior problems: Since I teach public school, I encounter this, anyway. The best way is to talk to the parents directly and state exactly what it is their child is doing and how it negatively affects their progress on their instrument. Even after talking diplomatically, if the parents get angry, I feel I'm really better off without that student. That slot can be taken by someone who really wants to learn.

Forgetting materials: I charge a $1 extra for a lesson if their materials were forgotten. (I don't make a big deal of it as long as they have their main lesson book, unless they're working on a solo!)

Parents who insist on sitting in: It doesn't bother me unless they butt in, then I suggest politely that if this might make their child nervous. I don't have this problem right now, but I think if I do, I'm going to steal an idea from my daughter's dance teacher. She allows parents to observe once a month. I think this is great, because it shows parents where their money is going, without being a weekly distraction for the kids.

In one of her columns, Dear Abby printed a letter from a piano teacher who has the problem of parents allowing siblings to explore the house, go into private rooms, and even then parents themselves snooping through the kitchen. The kids would also put their feet on the furniture and play with her knicknacks. Abby's solution was simple: post signs on private rooms and provide a comfortable sitting room with toys and reading material for both parents and siblings.

Following are contributions of other private teachers on their handling of "sticky" situations:
From Shelly Collins:
Not Paying: Students pay for the entire month at the beginning of the month. They get one week's grace period (I will teach a lesson to a student who shows up on the 1st of the month without a check). However, if lesson #2 comes around and the student shows up without a check, I don't teach the lesson. Period. I have lots of copies of Flute Talk and some kid's books sitting around, so the student has something to do for the lesson time. I make sure the student knows I'm not mad at her; my studio policy simply prohibits me from teaching unpaid lessons. (This has never happened more than once with a student!) :) When Parents are not supportive in practice: When a student begins lessons with me, I ask the parent to come to the first lesson. We go over the studio policy together, and they sign a copy and keep a copy. This policy includes practicing, payment, etc. I expect students to practice a certain amount of time each week. For younger students, I ask the parent to sign the practice schedule. When students practice regularly and are prepared for lessons, we throw away the schedule. But if they start to slip, it's back! I also give parents a list of things they can/should do to encourage their child (go to concerts together, buy flute recordings, praise the student for practicing, send the student to music camps, attend recitals, etc.). About twice a year, I informally remind parents about this list.

From Jackie Aronowitz-Robertson:
I have the same problems with my students, so I started to send a newsletter each month the students and parents. It basically tells about what the students are suppose to do and when it's due (I require my flute studio members to attend 2 live concerts every 2 month), I list all concerts I find out about in our area so they can't complain about not being able to find these concerts. My newsletter also covers what most of my students are working on; for instance, tone has been the big subject for the past few months (all my 1 year students seem to move into this subject at the same time and I find myself teaching the same thing), so in order to remind them about what I've been teaching them, it will be in the newsletter. Also, I post in this newsletters as often as possible, a list of my rules (I provide all of my students with a letter stating my rules at the first lesson, and I invited the parents to this lesson). When I was teaching class in the elementary schools, I was quite strict about my rules and if I had a teacher that would send them late, I would talk to this teacher. It's the same with the parents. I call and speak to them personally, and if necessary, I have them come to the lessons so they can see how important every minute is.

From Sarah Hess:
Many parents who don't have any prior experience with music instruction seem to think that the mere act of taking a 30 min. lesson once a week will make the child a better flute player -- with or without practice! I explain to these parents that what I'm really doing in the course of the lesson is teaching/showing the child *how to practic on his/her own.* We work on identifying mistakes, isolating them, working them out slowly. I also encourage *listening* to one's self while playing long tones. This sounds like a simple thing to us, but some parents just don't realize what happens in the lesson. A dance teacher friend of mine reports the same problem, only with more frequency because parents don't want their kids dancing around the house and knocking things over! As for the ones who want to "hang around," I offer them a rocking chair on my back porch!

From Sandy Moser:
I state in my policy that if a student is late and a student immediately following arrives on time, I will start that student's lesson on time. If there is no student immediately following, I give the late student a full lesson if my schedule allows. I don't have much trouble with payment, but I do send out invoices in Dec. for any book money still due with a note to please pay by the end of the year. So far everyone has.

For an idea on someone else's studio policy, check out Mary Lou Iverson's site.

Ollie Malone and Kathie Faricy both have students bring blank cassette tapes so each lesson can be recorded, helping the student to better remember what was said and demonstrated. This is also a terrific way of showing the parents what goes on during the lesson, and, if the teacher themselves get a chance to listen, a way of monitoring teaching techniques. This might especially be good in these days of molestation accusations and lawsuits. Sad to say (something most of us probably never think of!), but it's a good way to protect ourselves.

From Carol Schmiedecke: I teach voice privately, as well as public school music K-3, and have finally found a system that works for my private students. Besides a Policy Statement that is sent out at the beginning of the school year (my students commit for that year), I also send out a teaching schedule. With holidays and snow days in my area, students are often absent from lessons, so I teach only the days or weeks that public school is in session. If there is a school holiday, there is a studio holiday. Also, a monthly newsletter to students and parents is a great PR device as well as keeping all informed of happenings in the studio. Students get the extra "perk" of others knowing about their achievements (acceptance into honors choirs and musical theater productions) and parents are informed about the workings of the studio. I present my students in recital at the end of the school year. This is required for all students - no exceptions. It has become a real "event" with parents involved in the presentation. As for payment, I require monthly payment at the first lesson of each month, but if this is a problem I will work with the parent towards payment on a timely basis. After two lessons of non-payment, teaching is suspended until the lessons are paid.

OK, some advice and ideas for you students who need help in getting along with your teachers: The verbally abusive teacher It's tough as a student, deciding the where the line is between a good but tough teacher, and a teacher who really isn't doing you a bit of good.

First and foremost rule:Do not accept an insulting attitude from any teacher, no matter how good or reputable they are. On the face of it, this should seem obvious, but since most of us were raised to see teachers as authority figures and the final answer, many of us might be hesitant to question a teacher's approach and attitude. No matter the talent, ability, or time you put in, a teacher should not be insulting. Handling this will be covered later by some of my contributors, but basically, this is the toughest situation and boils down to these choices:

• If you are a minor, would you be willing to have your parent speak to the teacher?
• Do you know of any other students having the same problem? If so, maybe several parents could speak to the teacher. (Don't gang up on him/her, or the teacher might become extremely defensive and make things worse!)
• If this doesn't work,are there any other teachers available, even if you have to driver farther?
• If you are a college student and there are other students that are affected, have you gone to the head of the department or the dean?
• In college, can you request a teacher transfer?
• If this is your major (especially if you are majoring in performance)and all else fails, are you willing or able, as a last resort, to transfer schools? Again, as a student, your parents may have to be brought into this. After all, colleges make their money off of tuition.

Here are some of the comments contributed by others. In this section, for obvious reasons, all contributors will be anonymous.

#1. When I was a freshman in college I was struggling with music theory. I was doing a lot of extra credit and getting tutoring from a friend. In other words, I was trying hard. The Professor was, at the time, working for his doctorate and was very stressed out. After class one day I went to his office to ask for more extra credit. He was very angry that day and started to attack me verbally. He said that I had a bad attitude in class and that I would never make it in the music world. According to him, I had no talent and should get out while I still could. Of course at first I was just crushed. But then I tried to imagine myself in any other profession and couldn't. I now know that when faced with a crisis such as this, people either run away or turn and fight. Well, he triggered my fighting instinct. I worked harder, practiced more, and talked to the Dean about what this Prof had said to me. By the end of the semester he had a lot more time to work on his doctorate because he was fired! I am very sensitive toward my own students when it comes to encouraging their musical development. I was behind my classmates when I went to college because I was unable to take flute lessons in school. But that didn't mean that I had no potential. Luckily, others at the college I went to could see past my lack of experience. I truly believe that if you want something bad enough you will work at it until you achieve it (although it may take longer for some than for others.) So I try in my own teaching not to brush off a student that is less than perfect. If they want to play the flute, as long as they practice, I am willing to teach them.
#2 really didn't get along with my teacher; she was unwilling to let me explore music. Instead, she wanted to teach me her way and there seemed to be no other way. I took lessons with other teachers during the summer and found that what she was teaching was ok but the way she taught was like butting your head against a wall. After the first year, I went to the director of music and asked if I could studied with him or someone else-anyone else and he proceeded to tell me she was under contract and that wasn't permitted at this school. He was understanding about my problem but couldn't help me. I spoke with other flute students and found I wasn't alone. After a fews years I started to butt heads with her and challenge the way she was teaching me. I wasn't well liked by her,and I even took her to the person in charge of private lesson,but he was no help. We had this meeting and nothing changed. My biggest problem was that she was teaching for the one kind of student, and I just wasn't that student. After I graduated, I spoke with the director and took some lessons with hims My only savior in this situation was the ability to go outside of the school during the summers and take with other teachers. After graduation, I only took a few lessons and spent most of the time figuring things out for myself. I started to teach, which was more effective in my playing than those 4 grueling years of lessons with the same teacher. I vowed I would never do that to any of my students. For people planning to be teachers, situations like this, ugly as they are, go a long way into teaching us what NOT to do as a teacher ourselves!

#3I have had a teacher who said a lot of things which I disliked and have since found another teacher. I did have her for a year during which I made good progress until the comments turned me off...they were not personal towards me at all, just the atmosphere she presented was not compatible with my feelings about what I was learning and doing.To explain, she knew I was taking lessons for the winter with a teacher who was here from France for a while - I told her upfront that I was going to study with this man while he was here-so after I re-started with her again,she made comments about my new sound and how the British(she is British originally) sound was far superior to the French sound.She obviously noticed I had picked up this teacher's French sound.I thought that very petty of her.She went on and on about the best players are all from England, then she came out with stuff like "women have smaller lungs and so are at a disadvantage playing flute"...and.." women are never listened to as well as men are (assuming they are looked at more than listened to).Anyway, I was such a keen student and didn't have time for these petty remarks even though they might have been her experience - they had nothing to do with me.She should have been concentrating on helping me achieve my goals. Attitude of the teacher is important.The reason I did so well with the French teacher who made her jealous was because he took my lessons so seriously and made me work and pushed me to do well,whereas she was defeatist in her attitude. Now I take lessons with another woman who is serious-minded and no petty excuses ever come up.

If the teacher doesn't cover what you would like This is a tricky situation, especially if you've had to change teachers through circumstances beyond your control. It's very difficult not to compare. If your teacher isn't challenging you enough, there are a few things you can do: One contributor wrote asking advice on a teacher that seemed to concentrate quite a bit on scales, to the point that in the lesson, there was time to work on maybe one solo. First of all, take stock in what they are teaching you. Scales, however boring, are actually very vital to playing technique. However, if the lesson contains the same scales, the same pattern, same old same old, it might be time to take matters in your own hands slightly. Be prepared during your practice, then at your next lesson, ask the teacher if you might be allowed to play the scales in a different pattern, different articulation, etc. If you can prove yourself and prove that you are willing to practice above and beyond what is assigned, and do it correctly, the teacher might be more inclined to change your assignments.

Please take stock in your own attitude and make sure you're not unwittingly making comparisons. This new teacher is probably perfectly aware if you had a previous teacher, which again may make them a little nervous or overcompensating. Then again, if they have enough experience, they're probably doing what works for them! Again, contact other people who study with that teacher and ask how they feel. Please be careful of your approach so they do not feel put on the spot or agree with you just because they don't want to disagree with you. If there is a solo you'd like to study, ask the teacher to help you. Often, the teacher may not be aware of your preferences. Be sure to have the music in hand and have some of it practiced, so you can go in and say "After I had my lesson material under control, I started on this piece for fun, but I'm having trouble with this lick. What would you advise?" or something to that effect. If there is a way of doing this without putting the new teacher on the defensive, perhaps the former teacher could contact him/her about you (especially if these two teachers are familiar with and respect each other.)

At a time when I had to lay off lessons for a while and send them to other teachers, I made sure the other teachers knew what the students did, what they were working on, their level, etc. If you have no success in these "back door" methods (I'd give it a month or two, or about the equivalent of 8 lessons), be graciously honest about how you feel. Chances are, the teacher will be flexible, but just has had difficulty reading between the lines. If there is no positive result from any of these methods, take stock and decide if it's worth switching teachers.

The teacher who always cancels lessons In my studio policy, I have included a stipulation that if I have to cancel a lesson without 24 hours' notice (unless one of my children is sick), the student gets a free lesson. There are times, however, when you show up, and no one is home, or they cancel at the last minute on a habitual basis. Tough call here! The best advice here would be to ask the teacher if the schedule needs to be changed to a more convenient time. Often, private teachers have to work another job, and sometimes the two collide. (Although, with the presence of cellular phones, there's really no reason for them not to call, even if it's a message on the answering machine too late. At least you know they made the attempt.) If this doesn't work, you (or a parent) might tell them of what your schedule is like and that you really need notice if a lesson is going to be cancelled. (Be gracious again!) If the teacher doesn't take these hints, it's definitely time to find a new one, unless you don't mind living your life on the edge!

In closing, I'd like to leave a comment from Nancy Clew, who had a student who made a thought-provoking observation: I strongly recommend to any student that they take some responsibility for their lesson. (This) has reminded me of a comment made by an exchange student I was teaching. I asked her what she felt the main difference was in the American students and students in her country. She responded that in her country the students go to school to learn and in American they go to school to be taught!! We should all think on that a bit. If you go into your lessons with questions and problems that have arisen during your week of practice and seek advice from your teacher, you are much more likely to get the teaching you want. This does not restrict the teacher from moving you in the direction they feel is best for you but it will send you away with the feeling your problems are being dealt with. A good teacher has a wealth of information to depart but must not overload a student with too many things to work on at one time. Geoffery Gilbert emphasized that you can only concentrate well on one thing at a time if you are trying to improve or correct an area of playing.

Last month's topic dealt with starting a music studio. Here is a contribution from a guitar instruction named Justin :I have found great success in charging by the month, payable in advance. This way the instructor has the say on when and if make-ups are available. Other advantages are more serious students, parents being more involved, and easier financial planning (if anyone knows what financial planning is...Hardy Har Har.)

Do you have input on this topic or other areas of private studio music teaching, or have a suggestion for a future article? Feel free to contribute your ideas! Future topics include: preparations for performances, instrumental organizations, handling working out of your home, and more!