I was sitting in the teacher's lounge in April, and the poster stared me in the face. Missouri was offering to pay all but $575 of the fees for initiating a candidacy for National Boards. It was April 13, and I had two days before the deadline of the first window of opportunity.

Now, I had debated on and off for a couple of years about National Boards. It sounded like such a lofty goal, and the people I "knew" from the Music K-8 discussion list that have national certification were idols to me. I just couldn't, because I "knew" these people were opera singers, probably spoke French, had all the certifications of Orff and Kodaly, and were concert pianists to boot. I was sure they all had Specialist's degrees and taught extra college classes on the side. Plus, I was sure their schools put them up 5 notches on the pay scale. I was sure they had every Orff instrument imaginable, enough for every kid and had Phyllis Weickert all memorized and had Randy and Jeff on their speed dial. Plus, they probably exchanged Christmas cards with Kalani! And, their students! Their students had to be from the highest brow of society, with 10 years of piano lessons and season tickets to the theater and moms who played classical music through headphones on their abdomens during pregnancy.

Now, don't get me wrong. Those people on the K-8 list are not in any way snobs. They are wonderful, wonderful people. (I do not idolize snobs). They're just so accomplished! They're wonderful, and I thought I could never match up to that. Mind you, I'm cyberfriends with them. I've never had the opportunity to meet them. Just the phrase "National Certification" meant that these folks knew it all.

Then, in January, a middle school teacher did a presentation on her National Boards experience at the Missouri Music Educators Convention. Sure, she was from St. Louis, so I figured, again, there were the finances to help her, plus she was already extraordinary to get a job there:-) You know, watching her presentation changed me. No, she wasn't any less accomplished. You can't be a slacker and do National Boards. But, she was HUMAN. In watching her video, I thought, "You know, these are normal kids. She handles them in a normal way."

And, in her approach, she was normal. The equipment wasn't there for her the way it was supposed to be. (How many of US have a "VCR doesn't work" moment? Too many to count, I'll wager!). She was fun. She was open. And, the thing she emphasized the most was, "You DON'T have to be the perfect teacher. You have to be a REFLECTIVE teacher!"

Hey, it was OK if one of my oppositional-defiant kids threw a fit. MY approach and my reflection of my approach was what was important. So, if I tried an Orff arrangement that was just a little too ambitious for my fourth graders, my approach and how I ended up teaching it, and if and when I knew to throw in the towel...that was important. (I can proudly say I did NOT throw in the towel, and we did the arrangement for Grandparent's Day!)

From her, and from the people on the K-8 list, I slowly began to realize that the National Boards process is the ULTIMATE in teacher self-reflection. I knew then this is an achievement I would like to try, for my own satisfaction, because I wasn't going to get any financial recompensation (at least at the time. The jury's still out on that).

But, I knew it would be a couple of years before I could tackle the fee. THEN, I saw the poster in the lounge in April. $575 is a very swallowable amount! After calling the representative from the Department of Education about this, I found out that there was even a nice window of time before I had to pay that. All I had to do was submit the form and a COPY of my check by the deadline.

So, I did, and immediately got with the Yahoo group NBPTSMusic to get going. I saw myself memorizing volumes of Grout and sweating over every little musical culture in this world. Then I got THE box.

The box isn't that huge anymore. All the information is on CD. After multitudes of printing, I have it. I've been going over it, and reading and re-reading the Standards, which are NOT the national standards listed at MENC! I attended a workshop through NEA and got wonderful information.

The gist of it is this: There are people who served as "guinea pigs", the first certified teachers who are out there to help. You cannot do this alone, and you cannot slide through it. It's very intense. You cannot cut corners. Every direction has to be followed. My mentor is waiting for me to send my first "assignment" to her, which she will walk through and advise. It CAN be done on the first try, if you are willing to take advice. That is my lofty goal. Heck, I got a Master's Degree in one calendar year (20 years ago!), so I can do this.

Right now, I'm going through the standards and the directions. I'm making T-charts for each standard and writing down where I fall and where I fall behind. You know what? There are only a few instances where I thought, "Yeah, I intended to do this, but I need to do it better." Instead I thought, "I remember doing that. This is an example of when I did this."

It's nice to know that National Standards teachers ARE human. They are good. They are exceptional. But, they are achieving the goals of what every good teacher should do. They're willing to face it and say "Yeah! I'm doing this.", or "Whoops! How could I have done this better?", using a videotape and lots of reflective writing, and they're willing to SHARE it with strangers who are going to assess their thoughts and how they apply to National Board standards.

I'm willing to put myself out there, too. Here goes.................................................

By the way, if you are considering National Board certification, I strongly urge you to sign up at Yahoogroups.com for the NBPTSmusic group, which is an e-mail discussion list of music teachers who are candidates or already nationally certified. Go to Yahoogroups.com for more information.

I'll keep you posted as I do more after the school year starts. Please understand that because of confidentiality and copyright issues, I cannot go into great detail on the web as to what I end up writing. This journal is just a guideline of what a candidate thinks about and goes through, as encouragement for others to seek National Certification.